


Everlasting

by girlgoneblack



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Canonical Character Death, Grief/Mourning, Guilt, M/M, One Shot, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Post-Canon, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Suicidal Thoughts, Survivor Guilt, retrospection, thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-25
Updated: 2019-04-25
Packaged: 2020-01-31 21:50:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18600088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/girlgoneblack/pseuds/girlgoneblack
Summary: ENDGAME SPOILERS AHEADThor thinks back about what once was and what will be.





	Everlasting

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little something written right after seeing Endgame. I needed this to vent my thoughts and feelings.

   During those five, long years, never once did Thor stop thinking about his brother.

   His first thought when waking up in his small house at the seaside was of Loki, his first breath of fresh, salty air was for Loki, his first whisper in the faint morning light was Loki’s name; and when he went to sleep, his thoughts heavy and burdened with what he had lost, it was Loki’s face, serene and at peace, just like he had been during those short moments they had shared when sailing through space, that lulled him to sleep.

   The guilt had nearly killed him. He had nearly done it, so many times. Nearly ended it all. He could never pinpoint exactly what had kept him going – maybe the thought of leaving his people alone, leaderless (not that he was much of a leader, anyway); or maybe the memory of how much Loki, of how much everyone had sacrificed for them to live. And it kept him alive. Barely; but it allowed him to _survive_.

   Thor knew Loki wouldn’t be coming back. He knew that finding the Infinity Stones again wouldn’t bring him to life. But he decided to help the others – because he craved revenge. Because his hands kept itching every time he laid his eyes on Stormbreaker. Because cutting Thanos’ head off all those years ago had done nothing – nothing to ease his heart. So this mission gave him purpose. Gave him back a little bit of his life, a little bit of his drive.

   He couldn’t stay _after_ – after it was all done. He couldn’t, because it was not his home. Because he wasn’t fit to be Asgard’s king (Valkyrie would be much better at that). Because it wasn’t where his place was – not really.

   Because his place had been at his brother’s side.

   So Thor decided to join the merry gathering that were the Guardians. He didn’t know where this road would take him, what new horizons he would discover. But it was a beginning – a new path to take. And he promised himself that he would keep finding new paths as long as he would live. That he would follow a purpose. Use the gift his brother had left him – his life. Soar through the stars and remember, sometimes, how he had traveled through them with his love. Honor a sacrifice that surely had cost Loki more than his life. Carry a flame of devotion and fidelity everywhere he went from now on.

   He promised himself that he would endeavor to become, once again, the man his brother had known and had left in this world, sure of his last words and of his everlasting sacrifice.

**Author's Note:**

> So I saw Endgame - and I loved it! Really! So many great moments: Captain Marvel's haircut, Captain America being able to lift Thor's hammer, Thor and the awesome beard braid he gets towards the end, Valkyrie becoming king of Asgard, that scene when Thor cuts Thanos' head off and walks out, his cape billowing behind him *sigh*... So yeah, I loved it. But it left me... Kind of empty. Like a gnawing feeling inside my chest. It really is the end of an era.
> 
> Also, so many questions remain unanswered (in my opinion): where is Loki and the Tesseract in 2012? Where is Gamora? Where is Thor's hammer (because I don't think Cap returned with it from the past)?
> 
> Ugh... Well, I guess I'll have to wait for upcoming Marvel movies which (I hope) will answer my questions.
> 
> On a second note - I have some unfinished stories that I have to complete/finish posting. I will be doing that shortly, and I am really sorry for the long wait, I had to take some personal time off writing. I guess seeing Endgame put me back in the game, and writing this little fic helped me kind of move on and continue writing. So to all those who are waiting for updates, I'm really sorry and I will be posting as soon as I can.


End file.
